The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.
I was talking with someone last night about this blog, how it started, and how much I have grown throughout the past year and a half. I actually remember starting it about two weeks before one of the major events of my life happened, something that wrote a whole new introduction to chapters where I would learn more about myself than I had ever thought. This blog isn’t about hiding…it is about shining a light into the deepest caves of my soul, searching for what has been trying to hide in the darkest spots…far away from the on looking eye. There is a time and a place to write certain things, but I have always believed that the details and the names don’t really matter to the story. It is what I am getting out of the situation that makes the story. Of course there are times where I am incredibly down. I have learned throughout the past year or so that we have been mentally trained that being sad, upset, or anything of that order is not okay. That it is something to fix? Whenever someone asks “How are you doing?” and you answer “I’m doing alright…or okay” there is a barrage of questions as if being average is a fatal medical condition. I will always remember what my pitching coach told me. “Evan…10% of the time your going to be amazing, 10% of the time you are going to suck worse than imaginable, and 80% of the time you are going to be average. The important part is going out there with everything you have and giving 100% of the 80% available.”
My mind replays memories, things that have been said, and emotions are evoked probably every single day. Especially with putting together the book and going back through all of the writing I have done…sometimes I am put right back into where I was. Our minds have an incredible ability to move throughout time at will. All it takes is a little push. But, I believe the lantern I have been carrying around shines who I am now into who I was then. It is not about making your life easy, or happy all the time. I believe that is complete crock. Because if you are happy all the time, you are devaluing the importance of…happiness. This life is a game of opposites. Happiness and sadness, hot and cold, salt and pepper. Without one, you cannot know the other. I am not saying that you have to be 50-50…but you have to expect the sun to rise and set. I used to freak out when I was upset…now I just sit with it and appreciate the feeling for what it is. When you don’t fight your emotions and try to claw and scratch your way out of them…they float into the wind.
A fried couldn’t have put it in better words. “A lot of people are scared by anything that’s off the beaten path. The path you’ve been taking is deep, and people may be afraid of what they would learn about themselves by following it.” It hasn’t been the easiest thing ever. I have an amazing group of friends in my life right now who not only have their own dreams and goals, but fuel mine. I always try to keep myself open to new people and situations, but this project and what I have been writing has definitely polarized these two groups. It is no that people are unfriendly, but I think it has something to do with the fact that they think I am going to look into their life and judge them. That statement may or may not be entirely true, but it is an observation that I have made. I of course would never actually judge people for what is going on in their life, because everyone is going through a struggle of their own. When the time comes, they will show up if they want to. I can’t tell you how much respect I have for people who either I have never met, or who have drifted far away for years who come up to me and talk to me about things I have written. I think that is so cool and for people to come up to me and expose themselves and tell me what they have gotten from it. So for those who have, I really appreciate it.
Always remember, the darkness is part of the light. When you have one, you can appreciate the other. It makes you whole.
Please Connect with me: https://www.facebook.com/BetterManProject