Day (249) – Delicious Ambiguity
Posted on August 4, 2012
There are a few times where I need to take a mental break from writing for one reason or another. This past week just happened to be one of those necessary breaks.
I put a lot of effort into things. In the gym, in my work, in my relationships, in my writing…and there are just sometimes where I feel like the return isn’t what I am looking for. Which leads me to write down something that I believe in very much. I always believed that if I went into something, and I hadn’t completed what I was liable to complete, then I still owed them. If the scales were tipped on the side of they have done a lot for me and I really did owe them something, then I would be there with unfaltering loyalty. The interesting part comes when the scales are tipped the other side. When I have done a lot for someone or something, and the other side really isn’t willing to reciprocate. I often get so involved in things I forget to look around and see the rest of the world. Loyalty can often blind you to other opportunities around. So everything in the past week or so has made me realize that if you have done what you set out to accomplish, and you have been great, then never be afraid to walk away from something or someone who is not treating you right. You deserve the best, really, hands down.
This has been an interesting conclusion…one that I am not really that familiar with coming to. It feels pretty darn strange actually. But you have to realize that there are certain things in your life that are paralyzing you from being everything you can be. You cannot be afraid to let go of everything…(I am not saying you have to right now) but that is the only way you can truly know you can fully depend on yourself to make it happen. Life is ambiguous. You never know what is going to actually happen. Despite our best laid plans and following actions, mother nature has in interesting way of absolutely wrecking your momentum at the perfect time for you to grow.
A long time ago, someone told me that you are only given as much as you can handle. I was going through a really rough time at that point, so it felt like the entire world was on my shoulders. However, someone up there must have thought I was pretty strong so they decided that I could take it. I could, and many things grew out of that experience. What I had to deal with this week completely blindsided me, and I still don’t have an answer for why it actually happened, but I am looking deep down and finding the internal solitude to know that I don’t need an answer. To continue on my journey. It took me a long time to also realize that sometimes there is no meaning to things…only the meaning that you give them. Erase the meaning, erase the stress.
So this brings me to my last thought of the day, which is something that I think we do not look at enough. Our victories. It is so easy to focus on what we have failed at because…we have failed. However, we need to look at what we are good at and really celebrate that once in a while. Not cockiness, but appreciation for all the hard work we have done. The failures are lessons to be learned…if you magnify them and turn them into something they are not, they you are only going to be unhappy.
Life is delicious ambiguity…savor it.
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