Day (202) – Rewriting my Application

What was I thinking? I mean really. I took a look at what I wrote the other day for the application for the award, and it had absolutely no style, none of my voice, and I was playing it completely safe. What do I have to lose? Playing it safe doesn’t even represent me as a person. So I have to do what I know best…and here is my rewrite of my application. Please accept this change. Btw this post keeps changing because I have been editing along the way as new words and ideas come to mind.

What do you believe has been your greatest contribution to the Santa Clara University community? Please provide a description of your engagement/leadership and how you believe the community has been impacted. [Please limit your response to 250 words]

It all ended very fast. Since I was 5 years old, I had been playing baseball, and after two surgeries, endless doctors visits, and extreme amounts of physical pain, I was in my head coach’s office, tears in my eyes, telling him I had to hang up the cleats. My dream was gone.

What am I going to do? It was a week later that I was sitting on a bench in the gym in between sets, watching people workout. How can I take the supportive brotherhood feeling my baseball team fostered, combine it with my passion for fitness, and help people achieve their goals? Later that evening, The Iron Broncos was born. We now stand 500 members strong as a community committed to health, fitness, and goals.

Something was missing though. Heart. I looked at myself and realized that after baseball ended, I was afraid to dream. I realized that I needed to have the courage to be vulnerable again, and achieve my goal of changing the world. In this, The Better Man Project was birthed… a journey towards becoming a better man and learning from the world’s greatest teacher: everyday life.

I found that fiery passion I had always been looking for, and realized that it had one major purpose: to inspire people around me to live powerful and inspiring lives. I harnessed this passion and began to preach the message to my SCU community that against all of our doubts and fears, we must always live outside our comfort zone and become shining lights for the world. I believe my greatest contribution to my community was by enabling and supporting the dreams of others, and leading by example as a representation of passion and integrity.

Love. Passion. Never Quit.

In addition to the information provided above, is there anything else that you want the Awards Committee to know about you as they consider your nomination? [Please limit your response to 200 words.

While Santa Clara provided me with a fantastic education, it is the lessons I learned from my teachers, my teammates, and my friends that will forever shape me. Without the development of my mind and my soul, the foundation I am building my life upon today would not exist. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for spending four years here, except for these: thank you.

I would be honored to represent Mr. Nobili and my peers by receiving this award,

Evan Sanders

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  • Reply
    focusonme40
    April 26, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Wow so much more passionate and amazing. Playing safe ticks the boxes but your application now ticks the sparks too. Good luck with it all.

  • Reply
    elevatorintomyself
    April 26, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Evan. I think that it’s better, but it’s still off the mark. It’s very Evan-centric. It’s very sentimental. It touches on process but not outcome. Your contribution is not crystal clear. Neither really is your leadership, nor the community impact. You talk about being 5 years old, but the application is about your time at Santa Clara. The Better Man project is a great thing, but I would suggest that you have not yet truly and specifically answered the questions that Santa Clara has posed to you. I hope that you win, but I don’t think that you have a winning entry piece yet.

    • Reply
      thebettermanprojects
      April 26, 2012 at 8:08 am

      thank you. I am working on this right now. This is really not a comfort zone for me, so I am working on draft after draft after draft.

  • Reply
    ruthcatchen
    April 26, 2012 at 4:48 am

    Great changes! Very inspiring! Best of luck to you. I believe you should always follow your dream. It wouldn’t be a dream if it were easy.

  • Reply
    Ancient
    April 26, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Best of luck to you mate. The passion is definitely heavier in this one!

  • Reply
    terry1954
    April 26, 2012 at 5:57 am

    i love the feelings that you inserted into this

  • Reply
    theflufffreejournal
    April 26, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Morning! I didn’t get the opportunity to read your first one…and now I won’t! I truly felt this. But I also have to agree with “elevator”. Though sentimentally eloquent, you didn’t directly answer their question about your contribution to their community and I think that’s what they’re gonna really want to see. I certainly read it between the lines, but they might not. So I suggest to not play it safe with your accomplishments either. Let them know for certain what your contributions are so there’s no doubt. :o)

    • Reply
      thebettermanprojects
      April 26, 2012 at 8:07 am

      thank you I am working on it right now 🙂

      • Reply
        theflufffreejournal
        April 26, 2012 at 8:21 am

        Thank you for putting your heart on the line. I understand COMPLETELY what you’re dealing with. But don’t let anything make you settle or keep you in a box. Your blog/posts prove you’re bigger than that.

        • Reply
          thebettermanprojects
          April 26, 2012 at 8:50 am

          This is what I just edited, speaks more to what I actually stood for and what I actually did.

          Something was missing though. Heart. I looked at myself and realized that after baseball ended, I was afraid to dream. I realized that I needed to have the courage to be vulnerable again, and achieve my goal of changing the world. In this, The Better Man Project was birthed… a journey towards becoming a better man and learning from the world’s greatest teacher: everyday life.

          I found that fiery passion I had always been looking for, and realized that it had one major purpose: to inspire people around me to live powerful and inspiring lives. I harnessed this passion and began to preach the message to my SCU community that against all of our doubts and fears, we must always live outside our comfort zone and become shining lights for the world. I believe my greatest contribution to my community was by enabling and supporting the dreams of others, and leading by example as a representation of passion and integrity.

          Love. Passion. Never Quit.

      • Reply
        theflufffreejournal
        April 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

        Hey again! I hope it’s ok, I made some minor tweeks that may or may not be true, but I hope they help to get you where you’re going. *and please feel free to tell me to hush if I’m butting too far in!!* I couldn’t change the font so I put in astericks where it’s different.

        **As I looked about my community and recognized that there were those who were unwittingly in the same boat as me, I realized that the best thing I could do for them was to** harness this passion and begin to preach the message to my SCU community that against all of our doubts and fears, we must always live outside our comfort zone and become shining lights for the world.

        I believe my greatest contribution to my community was by enabling and supporting the dreams of others, and leading by example as a representation of passion and integrity. **do you have a specific example of someone from that community that has come back to you and told you how you helped them? Because then you say, “XYZ shared with me their story of triumph”…or something like that ;)**

  • Reply
    Harper Faulkner
    April 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Evan, you are definitely getting there, my friend. Much better than your first effort. You are to be commended for seeking help and accepting it. I like how you have personalized it. Polish it a bit and then put it to bed. Hope you win! HF

    • Reply
      thebettermanprojects
      April 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

      Mr. Faulkner,

      THank you a lot for your help and for getting on me about this. I have been polishing it like chrome on a car. I am happy with it…because for me…it sparkles 🙂

      • Reply
        Harper Faulkner
        April 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

        Now that’s good writing! All joy in polishing like chrome on a car. HF

  • Reply
    Pink Ninjabi
    April 26, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Absolutely amazing, it’s definitely a better representation of your strengths as a writer. Bravo!

  • Reply
    bloggerintraining
    April 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    this version is much better….your heart and feet are in it…GOOD LUCK!!!

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