Clearing my Head

 

Just a forewarning, I had to take a walk before I started to write this post. I wrote a few times about the importance of my admitting I had a bad day when I did. Today was great until 10:45 pm and then a match was lit. I am breathing.

 

My mom always told me that I had a huge heart ever since I was little. I believe it. I will go to the ends of the earth for the people I care about. There are a few people I would go to battle with if they asked me to support them. It wouldn’t matter to me whether they were right or wrong, I would put on the armor and go. When you have my heart, you have it.

I sometimes get hurt because of this. I care so much about other people and want to help them so much that sometimes I walk really far out on a limb. Sometimes that limb breaks and I go crashing down to the ground.

I want to tell you the difference between me now and me then. I used to lay on the ground, looking up at the tree cursing at the broken branch and trying to figure out why it broke. There is no answer. Falling out of trees is part of climbing them. You are going to slip and fall and end up laying flat on your back on the ground below. So I laid down on the floor, grabbed and ice pack, strapped it to my knee and put my feet up against the wall. I just sat there…breathing.

You can’t change it. You can’t figure it out. I will always remember this piece of advice my dad gave me when I really needed it. “When you stand in the kitchen, you have to be willing to take the heat.”

I am okay. I am brushing all the dirt off. But I will not climb that part of the tree where the branch split. I have more pride in myself than that.

 

Look inside yourself, have faith, you are stronger than you think.

 

 

Evan

You Might Also Like

  • kustomnecessities
    February 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    Evan, I am the same way when it comes to those I love… But you must love anyway. I am so sorry that you’re having a hard day. I am sending you lots of good energy and I hope you feel better soon.

    Ciao

  • suddenbrainstorms
    February 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

    Lovely metaphor. Thank you for writing this.

  • invadingnola
    February 7, 2012 at 3:17 am

    We must continue to care even when we have those moments of doubt..in the end, we are the winners..
    Hopes that your today and tomorrows are bright!!
    Lynne

  • electricbohemian
    February 7, 2012 at 3:30 am

    And is sadness comes an extreme beauty for what is life without sorrow, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself and seeing the world try not to be hurt, hurt is something we cause ourselves but we can choose not to feel hurt and save ourselves that pain everyone has a reason for being the way they are and its not anyone else’s fault. I hope your day becomes better..

  • whenpeopledontcare
    February 7, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Beautiful words 🙂

  • viberadiant
    February 7, 2012 at 5:39 am

    I used to do the same thing…
    Then someone very wise said to me, “It’s not wrong to want to help others, and you can’t help everyone, so help the ones that want to be helped”.
    That changed things for me.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  • thomag1
    February 7, 2012 at 5:46 am

    No broken bones, I hope. Sounds like you were raised well…..great parents who got through to you…and you ‘heard’ them. You’ll make the ‘climb’ in life okay. Nice post………tom

  • amyblake
    February 7, 2012 at 6:01 am

    I needed those words. Thank you for having the guts to write about your bad day because you’ve helped sooth mine. I especially like the tree climbing analogy- that’s exactly what it’s like and I have a BAD habit of trying the broken branch again, and again, and again. It’s best to just rub the dirt off and walk away. Try a different tree. Or maybe just skip the trees for awhile and spend some time enjoying the feel of the grass between your bare toes…

  • thatgirlwhit
    February 7, 2012 at 7:06 am

    I felt like i was reading about myself there for a moment. I relate all too well. I feel like i set myself up for heartache though – seeing as i often expect others to do for me what i would do for them. It doesn’t work that way though.

    I like the branch analogy…I’ve also heard it said, “Climb out on a limb…that’s where the fruit is.”

  • Martina New York
    February 7, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Thank you for writing this post. I really enjoyed reading it, you have some wise and inspiring words. You seem like a genuine good person, and there should be more people like you out there. I hope your day turns around for the better!

  • chaliceme
    February 7, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Amen

  • jofac
    February 7, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Reblogged this on Quevariado.

  • GrowthLines...
    February 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    You have touched on one of the most significant “growing up” struggles we have as human beings, building healthy boundaries. The process is one of finding our balance. Boundaries that are too rigid keep us disconnected. Nonexistant boundaries leave us unclear about who we are as a self, and at the mercy of anyone who enters our space.

    A fellow writer posted a rich description of boundaries titled Sea Wall on her blog Two Minutes of Grace. The link is below if you want to check it out. Thanks for writing about how we share our lives and still maintain clarity between ourselves and another person, whom we may care for deeply.

    http://twominutesofgrace.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/sea-walls/

  • Nikhil Kardale
    February 8, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Beautiful post :).

  • alf
    February 8, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    so relevant to my life right now, thanks 🙂

  • The Guat
    February 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Great picture, but awesome quote. Definitely true!

"Stay in the loop & don't miss a thing."

Sign up for free, stay in the loop and receive my exclusive emails!

You have Successfully Subscribed!